This is not my Happily Ever After…

Categories: All,Healing,Love,Uncategorized

August 21, 2013

Today marks what would have been my 20th wedding anniversary.  I remember my wedding day like it was yesterday, I was so excited but very nervous as I was finally marrying the man I had dated and dreamed of marrying for 6 and half years!!!  We began dating the end of my junior year of high school and the end of his senior year.  We were a match made in Heaven and even though we were complete opposites we had grown into a couple who complemented one another very well.  Even though our dating relationship had been less that perfect with our fair share of ups and downs we had committed our hearts and lives to the Lord, we had completed a quite extensive premarital counseling and felt ready to embark on the rest of our life committment as we entered into the covenant of marriage.  We got married in front of God and 350 of our family and friends on what was the hottest day of that summer!  Todd’s uncle officiated the wedding as he is a Methodist Minister which made it extra special!  We had an appetizer reception in the Fellowship Hall of the First United Methodist Church in Carrollton, Texas.   We even had an Elvis impersonator perform at the reception as Todd was a HUGE Elvis fan!!  Oh boy do I have stories to tell of our Elvis adventures, more on that later. =) As we left the church Todd was dressed in an Elvis jumpsuit he had been given by his groomsmen and I was wearing a 60’s style dress with my hair in an up do so everyone commented that we looked like Elvis and Priscilla.  We headed to Maui for our honey moon and thus began what I though would be our Happily Ever After…

Scan 132330003

Scan 132330000

Scan 132330001

 

 

August 13, 2011

I remember that day as if it happened yesterday as well.  This day was a day full of excitement as we had driven 9 hours the days before with a team of about 15 from our newly planted church in Austin to Joplin, MO to be the hands and feet of Jesus as we were there to help in the relief effort as they had experienced one of the worst and most devastating tornadoes in US history just 3 months earlier.  We had two teams working and the team Todd and I were one had the job of clearing the rubble and remaining debris from a house so that the foundation was clean and ready to begin the rebuilding process.  All seem good until Todd began feeling bad.  To the point he stopped working several times, sweating profusely and then in an instant was on his knees to weak to stand.  When I asked him if I should call 911 he said, “yes” and it was then I knew something was terribly wrong.  The next minutes and hours became a complete blur as Todd was taken to the hospital where Dave one of the men on our team and I followed behind and within minutes was told Todd’s heart had stopped and they were not having any success getting it started.  How could this be happening I remember thinking??  He was fine just a minute ago??

It  was at that point I think I was going into shock but everything in me said, I need to see him.  I said to the doctor, “I am not sure if you are a man a faith but I am a women of faith and I want to pray over my husband.”  He said, “okay and we haven’t given up but I just wanted to let you know it’s not looking good.”

So as we walked into the room and I saw Todd laying on the table with tubes coming out of everywhere.  There were about 8 or more people in the room, one person after another doing chest compressions on him and my once, strong and very larger than life husband was laying there pale and lifeless.  I threw myself over his body and began to pray and cry out to God to start his heart again!  “Oh God your created his heart and I believe you can start it back again.  I NEED him, his kids NEED him, his church NEEDS him!! Oh GOD PLEASE I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT HIM!!!!  In that moment I had GREAT FAITH that God could heal Todd and make his heart start BUT God said no.  God chose to take Todd home to Heaven that day leaving me and so many of his family, friends, church family and thousand of others wondering what God was up to.  He passed away just 8 days before our 18 year wedding anniversary.

August 13, 2013 

As much as my heart wanted life to stop on August 13, 2011 my mind, trust and faith in Gods plan for my life and all those whose knew Todd did not let me throw in the towel. My kids are one of the biggest reasons I have kept going and the countless prayers, texts, messages and love from so many friends and family are a HUGE reason I keep going as well!  Life has moved on as much as I really, really did not want it to many days. Oh how I LOVED my old life BUT now I am adjusting more to my new life. It is good and full of new JOY, PEACE, LOVE and HOPE for the future!

Psalm 91:1&2, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”

Proverbs 3:5&6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight!”

So instead of having a day of sadness on August 13th we chose to celebrate a life well lived!!  I learned so many things from my amazing husband and one of those things was his love for life and family!  He always made sure we celebrated all the good things in our lives and if he could make a reason to celebrate we would!  So I decided to take my family to one of Todd’s favorite places… S. Padre Island! We  headed out with our camper , this was only our second trip since purchasing the camper one month ago =)  We spent Todd’s homecoming at the BEACH!!  The ocean, sand and sun have always made me and my kids happy,  and my mother in love joined us as well!  Her birthday was August 14th and I wanted her to have a special day and she also loves the beach!!  When we arrived my mind was flooded by so many sweet memories of this place with Todd.  The last trip we had taken was 3 years earlier where we had actually borrowed my Dad’s pop up camper and stayed in the same park that we did this time.  My kids had a blast, we enjoyed every bit of our time in SPI.  We remembered many old memories and created many new ones!  I praise God for allowing us to have such a special and sweet time on a week that could have been much different!

17774_10151792929348007_1837681781_n1098321_10151792929263007_1502277285_n1017020_10151792929198007_1004804202_n1174601_10151792929068007_820782391_n1150281_10151792928933007_1450963890_n998942_10151792929433007_204504616_n

 

 

So we have now officially made it two years without my husband, soul mate, spiritual leader and my kids have adjusted well to life without their Daddy.  We are making it by Gods grace and with His strength, love and support and with the prayers and love of so many of you!  For which I am eternally grateful!

I realize on this day,  what would have been our 20th anniversary.  That this life no matter how hard I try to plan and create a fairly tale world.  God is ultimately in control.  Psalm 139:16b,  all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  Proverbs 19:21, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevail.”

I learned a long time ago that my best laid plans pale in comparison to the incredible things God has in store for me.  I do believe I will see the goodness in the Lord in the land of the living.  My life today is not as good as it gets!  I am choosing today to trust in Gods ultimate best purpose  for me and know that my Happily Ever After is coming,  just not in this life!

Happy anniversary Babe,  I will love you always!!

 

Because of Gods GREAT LOVE and Purpose, I can still Live For More,

Cassi

Author: Cassi Wortham

I am a follower and lover of Jesus Christ, he saved me at the age of 10 but it wasn't until I was 22 that He completely captured my heart! I married my high school sweetheart, Todd Wortham in 1993 and enjoyed 18 years of an amazing marriage, love, two precious children and incredible ministry together!! God called Todd home on August 13, 2011 and this blog is part of my journey to get to the other side of grief. I pray you will find hope, love, joy and encouragement first and foremost in the arms of Jesus and that God will use this blog to help you truly LIVE FOR MORE!!

16 Responses to "This is not my Happily Ever After…"

  1. Jill Martin Posted on August 21, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    I remember that day well too!! Such a fun wedding…and I wouldn’t have expected anything less from such a fun couple. But it was also a very moving ceremony-knowing what all you both had gone through to get there. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the saddest part of your story! But it’s not the ending…in fact your story will never end-for someday you and your Prince Charming will be reunited for ETERNITY!!!

    Love and prayers to you sweet Cassi!!

    • Cassi Wortham Posted on August 21, 2013 at 6:19 pm

      Thanks Jill for your sweet words! I love that you were there and remember it so well!

      I hope you are well and that I will see you on October at the reunion!

      Hugs,
      Cassi

  2. Barb Hewitt Posted on August 21, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    Oh Cassie. My thoughts are with you and your kiddos. I just know Todd is so proud and grateful that you are giving your kids so many happy memories, in spite of the pain. You are a light for all of us.

    • Cassi Wortham Posted on August 21, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      Thanks Barb!

      God is good to use our story! I so appreciate your prayers!!

      Hugs,
      Cassi

  3. Kelly Bryan Posted on August 21, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Good choices, Cassi. I’m sure it hurt to share those details. Thank you. So much love and respect for the Worthams!

    • Cassi Wortham Posted on August 21, 2013 at 6:22 pm

      Thank you Kelly!!

  4. Jaclyn Lide Posted on August 21, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Praying for you especially today Cassi!!! Love you all so very much!!! Thanks for sharing your awesome wedding pics…

    • Cassi Wortham Posted on August 21, 2013 at 6:22 pm

      Love you too Jaclyn!!

  5. Susanna Arscott Posted on August 21, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    What a beautiful story, Cassie! Praying for you to continue to live in victory in Jesus and be comforted by the Holy Spirit as you navigate through this life.

    Love,
    Susanna

    • Cassi Wortham Posted on August 21, 2013 at 6:21 pm

      Thanks Susanna!

      God is good and I appreciate your prayers!

  6. Estehr Posted on August 21, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    very amazing – have never mastered the art of expressing myself but suffice it to say YOU bring me comfort. A bit backwards but thank you. Much much love to you, the kiddos and Todd.

    • Cassi Wortham Posted on August 21, 2013 at 6:24 pm

      Oh Esther!

      I praise God that He has inspired my words and is encouraging and comforting so many through them! It lessens the pain and helps me see His purpose in it all when I hear things like that! I pray you are doing well!

      Big hugs,
      Cassi

  7. Virginia Craven Posted on August 21, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    Cassi,
    Don’t all of us girls dream of Happily Ever After? And you for sure had the experience that we all fear-that of our beloved spouse being taken pre-maturily (from our point of view). You are doing an awesome job along this journey with your children and carrying on Todd’s legacy. I have always loved a quote from one of Beth Moore’s studies that I try to keep close by so when things happen I can read it and be encouraged. I hope you enjoy it too:

    Living happily ever after wasn’t original with Cinderella. It began with God.
    What’s more, there’s no such thing as fairies,
    But angels are a different story.
    No yellow brick road,
    but streets of gold.
    No cottages in the forest
    -just mansions in glory.
    No crowns on our heads
    -just crowns at his feet.
    -Beth Moore

    “Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him.” II Corinthians 2:9

    • Cassi Wortham Posted on August 21, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      I LOVE that Virgina! Thank you so much for sharing and I bet it will offer great encouragement to many others as well!

      Oh and I still have so many wonderful memories from those weeks spent in your home as you and Dick counseled us before we got married. It served us well!

      Lots of love,
      Cassi

  8. Mati McGovern Posted on August 21, 2013 at 7:09 pm

    My Beautiful Friend. My heart breaks for you, yet is strengthened by your example! My heart longs to be where yours is- completely reliant on God to see the story of your life through. You are such an inspiration & a blessing. Sending you all my love today & always! Love you!

  9. Brandy Parker Posted on August 21, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    Cassi,

    I remember the day that Todd was taken home. I remember our text messages as you were driving back home to be with the children….. It seemed like it was not even real, how could this happen to this wonderful family. I remember my trip to spend time with you as you were processing the loss of Todd. Our moments together are etched in my heart. I am amazed at how far you have come and how GOD has used this to make you stronger. We all have a story, even though it may not be the story we want to have, it is the story that GOD wants us to tell. Cassi, continue to share your story and walk this road that you have not chosen. I love you very much my sweet friend and I am blessed to have seen the different parts of your story unfold.

    Much love,
    Brandy

Leave a Reply